“I don’t have him around anymore.”

“I don’t have that pain.”

“More closet space.”

“No snoring.”

“Less debt.”

Each statement garnered an increasingly positive response from the crowd.  First, silent nods. Then, mumbled “Uh-huhs.”  By the last two, the room buzzed with giggling “Yups,” and concurring laughter.

They’re not the reactions you would anticipate from the question: “What service is there in divorce?”

But on Jan. 15, keynote speaker Dr. Dena Churchill had prompted these responses from the 50 or so women who had woken up early to see her presentation: “Love Your Divorce—For All it Provides.”  Over the course of her address, the audience members noticeably warmed up to its positive stance.  They became more relaxed and more vocal.

“Your ideas not only inspire me, but others in the room,” said Churchill in conclusion.

This theme of mutual support would pervade the women’s day at the second annual Divorce Fair hosted by the Legal Information Society of Nova Scotia (LISNS).

The fair, the only of its kind in Canada, brings together exhibitors from various legal, financial and counseling groups who both have information booths and give presentations on areas specific to their expertise.  For a $10 entrance fee, attendees are free to roam the exhibition hall and slip into any information sessions they wish.  The structure, including the keynote speaker, was the same for the men’s day held on Jan. 14.

But the atmosphere was far from identical.

“The guys are: I’m going through this.  I have to get this done.  This is a necessary evil,” said LISNS fair manager Gwen Atkinson.

The exhibitors almost unanimously agreed that the male attendees the previous day—who numbered less than half of the women—were less engaged, more hesitant and more private.

“The women are at the other end of the spectrum.  They come with their support system,” said Leisa MacIntosh of Mac, Mac & Mac’s Family Centre.

It’s this difference in interactivity between men and women that stood out the most to presenters and fair organizers.  Women were not only more likely to come with friends, but also to engage with other attendees and the exhibitors.

“Women are definitely more talkative.  They want to share their story,” said Churchill after a woman first asked for her copy of her Divinity and Divorce to be signed, then divulged the details of her recent divorce.

In contrast to Friday evening, the exhibition room on Jan. 15 was filled with murmurings of personal stories intermingled with questions for legal advice.  Churchill attributed women’s approach to the fair to a method of tackling divorce and trauma in general: women, simply put, need to talk as part of their therapy.

It’s a technique Churchill, a divorcee in her own right, is using.  Having gotten over her fears, she is now able to share her story with others and hope they do the same.

“She is divorced, so she walks the talk.  She’s one of us but also has the knowledge,” said Divorce Fair attendee Marta, who preferred not to give her last name.

Having come last year to answer legal questions surrounding her divorce, Marta returned this January in support of friend.  She found herself once again immersed in the “sense of community” that the Divorce Fair creates.

“It’s makes you feel like you’re not alone,” agrees fellow two-time participant Shona.  She, too, has made acquaintances with women in equally wrought relationships. 

Despite the Divorce Fair bringing men and women in similar situations together, Atkinson says that the latter are much more communal at the fair.  Therefore, they tend to have more to gain from opening up about their shared experiences.

This increased positive engagement on the women’s part also serves a practical purpose, according to Val Coolen of Premiere Mortagage Centre.  It opens them up to the possibility of answers or advice the women hadn’t even considered asking.  Exhibitors also agreed that the women tended to ask a wider range of questions, giving them an advantage in information retrieval over the more timid male attendees.

Female participants, then, approach the Divorce Fair in a similar way as the exhibitors: an opportunity to network and gain resources of various kinds.

"There is a community of supports and services.  The fair has brought them together.  We have become aware of each other,” says exhibitor Beth Newell of Jacqueline Milner-Clark Association.

Seizing upon the idea that LISNS’ event is a veritable fair—a positive, social gathering—women have more to gain from attending this type of structured event than do their male counterparts.  According to Churchill, this approach significantly translates to divorce as a whole:

"If you can look at it as a process others are going through, it can be empowering."