I For One Applaud the Proroguing of Parliament - by Scott Vrooman

The Conservative government has shut down Parliament for two months, so that they can consult with Canadians about the economy. I, for one, applaud the move (applaud). I ask you, how can the government be expected to learn the interests of Canadians with all of those Parliamentarians yammering on about the interests of their constituents? 

And let’s not forget that these suspensions are quite routine. There was one last Christmas, and this Christmas, and so on. Think of it as a new holiday tradition, like hanging stockings on the fireplace, or delaying Christmas dinner for two months because Uncle Barry keeps pestering you about the torture of Afghan detainees.   

Governor General Michaëlle Jean gave her blessing, and rightly so. It’s not her job to be a nonpartisan safeguard against the abuse of power. No. It’s her job to hand out awards, and pretend to laugh at foreign leaders’ incomprehensible jokes. And she’s doing a fine job. 

Several cynics have condemned the Conservatives with unfair labels like “despotic”, “beyond arrogant” and “freedom-hating goblins that eat your pets while you sleep.” This sort of knee-jerk knee jerking is totally unfair. This government is doing the best it can within the confines of its minority status. And don’t minorities deserve the same rights as everyone else? Rights like being treated with respect, and ruling without worrying about “accountability” or “the poor.” 

This well-deserved break will also give time for Harper to have five new senators appointed, allowing the Conservatives to pass key crime bills that the Senate has stopped. Thank God someone finally has the courage to stand up to the tyranny of the majority. It’s time to stop the Senate from bullying the Conservatives with their moral convictions.  

Once again this shows Mr. Harper’s commitment to efficient governing, without bureaucratic encumbrances like “questions” and “debate.” He gets things done. And that’s what things are for: getting done. Stop worrying about what those things are. 

Mr. Harper has a plan for this country. A real plan, with charts and spreadsheets and everything. Like that great man Milton Friedman, he envisions a society where corporations aren’t bullied with taxes and regulations.

Where people can be free to vote with their dollars, so that the hard-working rich can be rewarded with extra democracy. And where productivity skyrockets. After all, what could be more motivating than worrying about losing your job while struggling to pay hospital and school bills? 

If you remember nothing else from my speech today, remember this: Democracy is far too valuable to be left in the hands of the Tim-Hortons-coffee-sipping masses. Isn’t it enough that you can get big screen TVs really cheap? How much more freedom can you ask for, Canada? Stop being so greedy, and let the Conservatives do their job. 

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Brought to you by local comedian Scott Vrooman, from Nova Scotia Province House on January 23rd 2010.

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